Do you find yourself confident and outgoing in certain situations, yet shy and reserved in others? Well, you’re not alone. I have a friend who was very shy in some situations, yet, funnily enough, full of self-confidence and totally outgoing in others. You wouldn’t think it was the same person. He would turn from an introvert to an extrovert at the switch of a button.
The thing is, this person wanted to feel more outgoing in the situations that were important to him. He didn’t want to stand in a corner avoiding smiles and glances from others, wishing he had the self-confidence or outgoing personality to make the first move and talk to them. He wanted to feel what extroverts feel. He wanted to be like his older brother: someone who can approach anyone and strike up a conversation in a flash.
One day, his brother called him up and told him of a business get-together that he knew he would enjoy. And it might also get him out of his shell of avoiding people and get him interacting more. This person accepted the invitation although he felt scared and anxious. He knew his brother would support him.
On their way to the get-together, the reserved friend asked his brother for some tips. His brother laughed lovingly, stroking his younger brother at the back of the head. “Simple. Don’t make a mountain out of it.” He paused and then continued. “When you’re in the company of people, instead of hiding behind the drink you hold in your hand, ask the people you’re with ‘one line’ questions. In other words, really short and simple questions. We can rehearse some now, if you want?”
The younger brother nodded, and his brother gave him three questions to start off with, which he practised silently in his head. The questions were: “So, what do you do?” and “How did you hear about this event?” and “What did you think of the speech?”
You see, generally, people love to talk in social situations, and what’s even more so is they love to talk about themselves: what they’ve done, what they’ve accomplished, what they’ve learned, where they’ve travelled to. Most people just love to talk about themselves. And this is great for a shy, introvert at such get-togethers, isn’t it?
“Ask a ‘one line’ question, listen closely to what is said, and then expand on the response by asking another ‘one line’ question, and so on,” the elder, more outgoing brother summed it up as he parked the car. “Gradually you will loosen up and the rest of the evening will flow with greater ease. Trust me.”
The actual wake-up moment or lesson behind this was that by focusing on what others are saying you will become less conscious of yourself, and before you know it, you will be buying the next round of drinks for your newly found friends!
By the way, the friend I was talking about was me. My elder brother took me under his wing that evening and showed me how the ‘one line’ questions work. And, sure enough, I was at the bar buying a round of drinks for my new-found friends.
Hani Al-Qasem
Commissions Editor
Tags: confident, Self Confidence, social events, step out of your shyness
